April's Fools
This is the last blog I'm ever going to write. ......................April Fools!
April Fools Day is such a wonderful day when you think about it. Go ahead. Think about it. It’s the one day when it okay to lie. It’s also an opportunity for honest people to practice. I spend all year practicing. I’m practicing right now. It’s also a day chock full of unexpected surprises. I’ve always thought that if I ever had a daughter by an unplanned pregnancy I would name her April Fools Neuhoff.
I would like to talk more about the unexpected surprises in life. Both the good ones and the bad ones. We all have them. Some of them we give names to and work a lifetime saving for their college tuition. We try to teach them right from wrong and wish for the best. Then there are the good surprises. Meeting a soul mate who brings that much needed light into the darkest corners of our loneliness. You know the kind of person I'm talking about. The one person who makes you happy just by being in the same room.
Falling in love is one of life's most beloved unexpected surprises. Some people will meet the love of their life on the Internet. Statistically though, you stand a better chance of getting struck by lightning....with a winning lottery ticket tightly clenched in one hand. But there are always those lucky hearts who will find love hiding somewhere between Facebook and Twitter. Some of you might get lucky reading a blog. Not this blog but a blog nonetheless.
Divorce is always an unexpected surprise. Unless you’re Donald Trump. I’ve been divorced twice. My first wife didn’t even ask for alimony. She just wanted her maiden name back and any written record of her ever being with me destroyed and the ashes cast to the four winds. She even petitioned the court to create a fifth wind. A lot of people dread a pending divorce but, being a "glass half-full" kind of guy, I figure the sooner you get divorced the sooner you can make the mistake of getting married again.
I’ve been divorced for more than 30 years now. Not that I haven’t been engaged more than a couple of times. The problem with relationships is that the longer you hang around someone the better the chance they’re going to catch on to who you really are. My life would have been far more romantic if it wasn’t for restraining orders.
Winning the lottery is the ultimate unexpected surprise. I never miss buying a ticket. I figure where else can you guy hope for a buck? California now has both Super Lotto and Mega Bucks so I can lose twice as often. Some lottery winners blow their money on the dumbest things. We’ve all read about the winner who buys his ferret a new Ferrari or builds a golf course for ground hogs. I’ve thought this through thoroughly. If I ever win enough the lottery I’m going to invest in some personal improvements. Like buying an extra thumb for each hand. That way when I am a klutz I can always say, "I’m all thumbs." What else are you going to do with that much money?
Since I haven’t won the lottery yet I’d have to say the greatest unexpected surprise of my life so far has been my granddaughter, Angel. Who would have guessed that being a grandpa would be so much fun? You grandparents know what I'm talking about. I remember my grandfather telling me that being a grandpa was the single greatest joy of his life. But then this is coming from the same guy who thought it was funny to play checkers with his dentures. Last week my son told me whenever he gives Angel the choice of going to Chuckee Cheese or visiting Grandpa she always picks me. That’s the greatest compliment a kid can pay you. How come our grandchildren turn out so much better than our own kids?
Another one of life's unexpected surprises is military service. I wasn’t drafted but enlisted three months after graduating from high school. Terry Fluhr and I both enlisted in the Air Force under the "Buddy Plan". We both liked the uniform, which was the same reason I once wanted to become a Franciscan monk. (What’s not to like about brown robes and sandals?)
We were told by the Air Force recruiter that we would be stationed together throughout our tour of duty. So, of course, Terry and I were both sent our separate ways immediately after being sworn. I didn’t see him again until after I was discharged. The Air Force sent me to Hamilton Air Force Base, tucked away in the rolling hills of bucolic Marin County 26 miles north of San Francisco. It was 1968 and the height of the hippie movement. I would work as an air traffic controller for six days on the base and then spend my four days off hanging out in the Haight-Ashbury district. The "Jefferson Airplane" and "Mamas & Papas" would play for free in Golden Gate Park while jugglers and mimes entertained us all. Terry served his time in Little Rock, Arkansas where, on a good day, he got to visit the city zoo. I was the one who convinced Terry to enlist with me. Sometimes life just isn't fair. To some people every day is April Fools Day.
We were told by the Air Force recruiter that we would be stationed together throughout our tour of duty. So, of course, Terry and I were both sent our separate ways immediately after being sworn. I didn’t see him again until after I was discharged. The Air Force sent me to Hamilton Air Force Base, tucked away in the rolling hills of bucolic Marin County 26 miles north of San Francisco. It was 1968 and the height of the hippie movement. I would work as an air traffic controller for six days on the base and then spend my four days off hanging out in the Haight-Ashbury district. The "Jefferson Airplane" and "Mamas & Papas" would play for free in Golden Gate Park while jugglers and mimes entertained us all. Terry served his time in Little Rock, Arkansas where, on a good day, he got to visit the city zoo. I was the one who convinced Terry to enlist with me. Sometimes life just isn't fair. To some people every day is April Fools Day.
Tom Neuhoff
World Humour
"Funnier Than You"
posted by Tom @ 2:06 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home