Small Town Summers
It’s May and summer is hiding just around the corner. Out of sight but not out of mind. I imagine those of you lucky enough to live on the Sunshine Coast are probably putting up the screen windows and dropping the boat back into the water. If you haven’t already. In L.A. we’re dusting off our ammo and grinding down the serial numbers on our handguns. Ain’t summer grand?
I don’t know about you people, but some of the best memories of my life percolated out of a summer’s heat. A cherished childhood memory of stock car races at the county fairgrounds. My first job was selling soda in the stands. A demolition derby to a child’s eyes was far more exciting than anything Vegas could come up with today. Swimming at Koffer dam. Playing baseball with the Keuler family across the street, especially since I had a huge crush on Mary Kay Keuler. Bratwursts and corn on the cob. Soaking the lawn in late afternoon so we could gather night crawlers that night, armed with only a flashlight in one hand and a bucket of dirt in the other. Catching fire flies in a bottle. Those are my summer memories. What are your favorite summer memories?
My grandparents owned a home on Big Island Lake halfway between Mountain and Lakewood. The best summer vacations of my childhood were spent on a boat there fishing for Northern Pike and Muskies. All the boys slept in a bunk house. My grandfather carved a character’s name from the TV series, "Bonanza" at the head of each bed. I was the oldest cousin and so became "Adam". My brother was the portly one so he was "Hoss".
It’s mid summer when Hollywood television productions starts returning from hiatus. There’s film crews all over town. You might ask why I came to L.A. in the first place. It was summer and I hitchhiked out to become rich and famous. My plan was to have my own sitcom by the time I was 30. So much for dreams. Even after all these years show business is still one of the reasons I remain here. Not the primary reason anymore. The main reason I’m still here is because I can’t get a Canadian work visa.
After all these years I still enjoy walking the back lot of the studios, especially the older ones rich with history like Paramount where the buildings are all named after celebrities. My favorite is the Lucille Ball building where some of the most important office suites are located. I don’t think we should expect to see a Tom Neuhoff building anytime soon.
There are lessons to be learned about fame and fortune that can only be learned only by living in L.A. I had heard for years that Dick Clark was not friendly in person. I was told he would fire people at the drop of a hat. A monster. Yet when I met him in Encino one afternoon he was the friendliest celebrity I’ve ever had the privilege to talk with. I told him I was in a number of college film classes with one of his producers; Larry Klein. Larry produces the “American Music Awards” among others shows. I used to visit Larry at Dick Clark Productions in Burbank. He had a barbers chair in the middle of his office. If only I had known he was going to be famous and powerful I would have made it a point to be his best friend in college.
Security was far more laidback in Hollywood before 9/11. There was a time when you could easily sneak into any major studio and watch rehearsals or even live tapings. My gimmick was to walk around backstage with a telephone book under my arm. After all, why would someone be carrying a telephone book unless they worked there? That trick got me into “The Tonight Show” while it was still being taped in New York City. I was there the night before Tiny Tim married his Miss Vicky. I was backstage at CBS Television City to watch the Sonny and Cher Show. In the same building I stood next to Rob Reiner (without his toupee) during rehearsals for “All In The Family”. “Roseanne” was the only sitcom I ever attended where there was a metal detector at the entrance.
Sometimes I would tell people I was a Canadian comedy writer. They respected that. I don’t know why but they did. Jerry Van Dyke, backstage at “Coach”, was so friendly and loved to ask my opinion on his performance. He loves Canadians. I was treated with respect at almost every show I snuck into except for “Roseanne”. Nobody was treated with respect there.
Tom Neuhoff
World Humour
"Funnier Than You"
posted by Tom @ 2:10 PM
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