Comics Life

There was a time if you wanted to be a writer you lead the Jack Kerouac lifestyle, hitchhiking and hopping freight trains across country. At least that’s what I did for years. A comic has a different path to success. If you’re going to follow in the footsteps of Bill Cosby, Lenny Bruce, Robin Williams, Jim Carey or Dave Chappelle you work open mic nights at the clubs. The problem I have with most comics is that they’re onstage 24/7. Comics are worse than actors and that’s saying a lot.In my standup comedy days I was working open mic nights at the Comedy Store, The Improv on Melrose, the Ice House in Pasadena and a few nights at the Holy City Zoo in San Francisco where Robin Williams got his start. You want the best time slot. Before everyone is too drunk but late enough so you’re working a full house. My gimmick was arriving in my ambulance and telling the MC I had just gotten a Code 3 and needed to go up next. I'd do my routine and race out of the parking lot with lights and siren blaring.
The big disadvantage of open mic night is you don't know when you're going onstage. It could be in four minutes or four hours. All the time I would be pacing, my guts wrenching. You hoped the comic ahead of you would bomb so you looked good in comparison. I once had to follow Freddie Prinze high on cocaine. I've never seen anyone funnier. Every comic’s nightmare. Following a star. After his act Freddie sat down by the bar, surrounded by people but not one of them talking to him. I thought I knew all about loneliness until I saw Freddie Prinze in a crowd.I do miss being young and naive enough to dream of fame. When you're young you've got eternity to become famous. Then as you approach 40 you keep reminding yourself that Rodney Dangerfield was a paint salesman until he was 42. Once you're past 50 the doors are all closed. If fame hasn't knocked on your door by 50 it's not even in your neighborhood.To this day I still have problems watch comics perform. Most of them aren’t funny. Even though they try so hard. Too hard. As they bomb my guts are in knots, memories freshened with that sinking feeling. If my first couple of jokes went over I would be fine. But if there was silence in the beginning of my act it would throw my timing off. Panic sets in. You feel like you’re naked at a high school reunion and can’t wait to run out of the room.
I mentioned my improv act, "Fortune Man" before but I’ll say a bit more about it now just in case you didn’t catch me at Chatelech Theatre in Sechelt last year. Fortune Man is a parody of the psychic hotlines. One of our props is a speakerphone to the After World so anyone in the audience could talk to a dead uncle or JFK. Anyone deceased. Comic backstage would play those roles. While improv is working without a net I find it’s so much more fun than standup.
A comic's brain works differently. I was over at my son’s recently waiting for the cable guy to show up. While doing dishes I spilled water on my groin. Immediately I could picture a young cable installer trying not to look at the wet spot but not able to take his eyes off it. All the time thinking, “That poor old man. He doesn’t even know he’s wet his pants.” Comics are funny because we're not good at anything else.If you or anyone you know dreams of fame as a comic I would make the following suggestions:

1) Don't think you're funny just because your parents always laughed at your jokes. They’re your parents. They’d laugh if you were shaving a yam.

2) Don't think fame as a comic will score big with the ladies. A Zomboni driver gets laids more.

3) Don't use your real name. A stage name make it’s easier denying everything later.

4) Don't write your standup routine with your clothes on. Everyone is funnier naked. At least that’s what my ex-wife always told me.

For more comical info on the writer of this blog go to: WorldHumour.bravehost.com

Tom Neuhoff

World Humour

"Funnier Than You"

Hollywood Daze/Blogstream

Hollywood Daze/Yahoo 360