Village Idiot

There was a time a hundred years ago or more when I believed whatever anyone said in a chat room. If we all wore name tags mine would read, "Village Idiot".

My life might have turned out differently if I was born good-looking, rich, or smart. Instead I was the funny one that nobody invited to their birthday parties. I was the class clown always shy in front of the girls. While I had no problems cracking up everyone in class I would get extremely shy in front of anyone with a uterus. Do you think George Clooney is shy in front of anyone? Did Brad Pitt clam up in front of Angelina when he first met her? Is it normal to be somewhat of a clod in front of beautiful women? It is for me.

Life would be so much easier if I could just read a woman's mind. That would take all that annoying mystery out of the game. I would know whether she likes me or is just tolerating me because she can’t stand seeing a grown man cry. Maybe it's better I never know. What is a Village Idiot to do? I suppose if God meant for me to have an active sex life He would have blessed me with both testicles.

There's no question I'm a slow learner. No matter how many times I am spurned I continue to give out my business cards like they were hits of Ecstasy. Then when she doesn't call I convince myself that it's a waste of time to even flirt and vow never to hand out my card again. Never to even strike up a conversation with a beautiful woman. The first time I run into another gorgeous nymph I make an ass out of myself again. I think it’s in men’s DNA for to continue flirting despite making fools out of ourselves again and again. We’re junkies for humiliation.

Men and women play the same games. The only difference is women are much smarter than us. It's like comparing Anna Kornikova to a chimp with a racket. Getting rejected by a beautiful woman is disheartening but understandable. That doesn't make it any less painful. Just easier to cope with. It's a wonder women have put up with us this long. If genetic scientists ever create a penis in a Petri dish we men are in serious trouble.
My name is Tom.
I am the Village Idiot.